I have a problem...

...I fall too fast...

This is the downfall to knowing what you want, and not just going for any cute guy. There is this weird intuition I have with guys...and I just kind of know someone I will like when I see them. I am drawn to them, and I want to immediately show them who I am so I can see if we will get along.

Well, I have learned, this scares boys away when you are very open from the beginning. So I am told from others that I should be reserved, that I am a lot of personality initially. I have been trying this with someone I am interested in, but I have a concern...supposedly I am also hard to read at times, so does this boy even know that I am into him, and in what way?

And then to this weird sensation I haven't really experienced before...I have really enjoyed spending time with this guy...and I like it, but something in me is resisting...almost trying to rebel, and I mean it feels like I am in high school again and the sensation of doing exactly the opposite of what my parents told me to do...it feels like this is some instinct in me afraid to get hurt again...

Is this how it feels to be jaded? And how the hell do I get rid of it?

From my past experience, I have learned that to love someone you have to let go of all of that fear....and I'm a little terrified that I will screw it up out of fear that its not mutual or it won't work...

...what ever happened to the fearless kid who just loved to love and receive it in return..? I gotta get back to this place...this freedom...

..so from now on, I'm going to go with my heart a bit more, and stop thinking so damn much...