..it seems it comes from my emotions...I've tried many times to just draw...when there is nothing affecting how I feel...and it never works...I can't produce anything I'm happy with..
..but when I'm sad...I generally feel the need to get something out...like I have to release something from inside...and the best way to set the emotion free is to do something expressive...something artistic....be it drawing, photography, or fashion...
like tonight..I drove around to spots on the river..and took some photos...but I'm so sad today...because I don't want to be alone...I thought that I'd be able to surround myself with my friends before I left...so I wouldn't have to feel so isolated before I left...because I know I will feel alone when I first move...but its getting hard now...because I feel like although I'm the one leaving, everyone is abandoning me. I kno it's really that people just have things to do..or they've moved already, but it feels like everyone has just moved on, because I'm leaving..I feel like graduation came..and everyone decided that it was easier to just cut me off now instead of in August...
...and then on my photo shoot excursion...i saw all these couples..and families...a couple in the rose garden...a couple on the pier...a family doing family photos at the rose garden and in the park...and it just makes my heart hurt...because I feel like I don't really belong anywhere now...
..which is just as good..when I leave, maybe all the attachments I have made will be severed since I don't feel the reciprocation..(from most people..) and maybe it'll be easier to leave...
...i don't want to wait the rest of the summer..i wanna leave now...cuz then hurting will make sense to me...
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