my dream..

...so, there is dream I had a long time ago...and it's been imprinted in my brain...and I'm hoping that describing it here will bring me some peace...because I can't seem to shake it..and its making me try and live some dream life...anyhow, onto the dream. before i begin, it is vivid, and felt real. Not like deja vu, but like I was watching it happen and there are the same time...kinda like a movie...a video of myself...but I feel all that's happening as I watch...

...so, I wake up, in this room near the beach. I can smell the ocean..and it is wonderful. I slowly rise out of the bed and realize the room is glowing...a faint silver glow, like everything in the room is made from pieces of the moon...I get up and am wearing a pair of underwear out of this silver material with the same glow...then I notice the curtains are blowing in the wind...the patio door is open...so, i see a robe that is sheer, gauze, and glowing in the same silver...and as i touch it, i feel the wind from the ocean, so i put it on...and walk onto the balcony...and look up at the fullest moon i've ever seen...but it is extremely close..and it feels like the moon is making everything thing in what i guess is my room glow. I look up and catch another chill from the wind...and feel very isolated, lonely...and then all of a sudden, a guy, someone extremely familiar hugs me from behind. As he holds me, the isolation goes away..and I just feel...warm...safe...complete...and so many other amazing emotions I can't describe...I just have this thought that he is my soulmate...then its like the "camera" of my dream pans out and he is shadow, even though everything is glowing...so, it "pans back in" and I turn to see him...but then I wake up...

and I wake up with the same feeling of contentment, but I am at a loss, because I obviously wanting to know who he is...and I haven't had the dream since high school, but I remember it as vividly as I dreamt it. I close it and can see it in my head...

...and it is more of a fantasy now than anything...and fantasies aren't really doing me any good in life...especially when they involve this mystery man, who I never get to see, so I've decided it needs to be let go of, because I feel like it is affecting how I am responding to situations in my life...and it's dumb..lol

so, i'm hoping that writing it will at least help me begin to lay my silver dream and my shadow man to rest...

the sartor