neglected

I have this character flaw...and it makes things hard for me sometimes. I have this HUGE problem with people ignoring me...well, friends, that is. And i am not completely unreasonable. For example, if I call my friend or something, I don't expect a response immediately. I do however expect that it shouldn't take a week for a reply of some sort, especially if it had been previously established that we are close. And I'm not just saying with some silly exclamation. I mean by events that have expressed emotions and similarities...good times and bad. 

For most of my life I've put up with it. I've been the kid to just sit back and take the "friends" I could get, because I am lonely...but that is so STUPID, and I know it...so, why do I still do it? I know logically, that people who do not necessarily communicate with me either need to learn to communicate which I don't have time or energy to teach anymore or (more than likely) don't want anything to do with me...so, why do I make an ass of myself?

Must be emotions of some sort, that's the only reason I don't generally do what makes logical sense. Because I have some strong emotional attachment to that person. It's nice, because I have a hard time feeling close to people...but it suxs that they don't feel close in return which makes me want to connect even less.

The other reason I feel I wait around is to absolutely convince myself they don't care for me. You know, what if I freaked out for no reason? I mean, yes, people have bad weeks sometimes..so, give them the benefit...but if this isn't the first "benefit" i've attended...than why am I still there...?

So, to anyone that reads this and knows me, you know I mean this when I say it. I have been through a lot of shit in my life...and I know that rejections are something people must face..and I am prepared in most cases for it. Rejection and I are close..lol...He(because you know that anything that drives me crazy generally is masculine) is both stressful and an inspiration, rejection is. But I accept that he will always be there..

However, I do not feel as tho I should have to put up with neglect. If you are a friend, you can at least say, "I'm sorry, I'm busy" or, "now is not a good time..."something to indicate that you acknowledge my attempts to communicate but must quickly dash away. 

If not, people are gonna have to lose spots in my life, and then maybe I'll get some answers...because I refuse to be unhappy in the background anymore...we'll see i guess

the sartor